What I’m seeing today is mud

Mud, I hear you asking? Mud? It hasn’t rained for days. Dana, why are you seeing mud? Well… I have a sweet cocker spaniel called Maisie, who is usually the best dog in the world (along with Ben, our other cocker). She is quite clever, well mannered and fairly obedient. But she has an unerring ability to find mud on our walks.

When Maisie finds mud, or indeed any form of water/earth/noxious smelling liquid, she makes the most of it, ploughing in and covering as much of herself as she can in gloop. It’s a wonderful but necessary thing that every walk I take ends at Blockley Brook, where she can wash herself in the clean water.

As humans, we have a similar and unerring ability to find noxious smelling sin, wading through it and making the most of it, before realising that it is offensive to others and to God. And to our own souls too.

But God gave us a word which is present in every language (I think?) and in every culture. It washes the mud of sin from us. The word is ‘sorry’. It doesn’t always make everything better straight away, but it usually begins to mitigate the harm done by messing up. It doesn’t cost anything to say, except a bit of pride, and it gets easier the more often it is used. Thank God for ‘sorry’.

What I’m seeing today are bees

Today is National Bee Day. A wonderfully timed delivery saw the arrival of my new organic bee suit, so I am all ready to look after the swarm we hope to get for our new hive in the churchyard at Bourton on the Hill.

We have been nurturing the Open Garden area of the graveyard, and have also been planting bee-friendly flowers and aromatic herbs to tempt the bees to stay, once they have been introduced to the new hive. It’s good to keep a distance from them if you haven’t got a bee suit, although they don’t sting unless they are scared or provoked.

Yesterday a swarm visited our front yard. They are not honey bees but masonry bees, although any swarm of bees is not something we need to be afraid of in this country. The bees have simply run out of room in their old home, and are looking for new quarters. They are more interested in setting up somewhere new than in stinging humans or pets.

What I’m seeing today is biscuits

Every day, people ask me how I am. Sometimes I’m good and sometimes I’m not, but either way it’s a hard question to answer. Underlying every feeling about the day is some anxiety, because I don’t quite feel safe most of the time. And worry, fear, change and anxiety make me feel tired. I am learning to listen to my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul, and to rest and play more.

Being an optimist is tiring too, because I keep expecting things to get better, to go back to normal, to feel safer. As birthdays and seasons pass by, I am learning not to look for easy answers and quick fixes. Life is going to be different for a long time, maybe even for ever, so I am learning to reign back my optimism, and look for a bit more reality.

So how do I answer the question about how I am? I do a quick check – if I haven’t eaten a whole packet of biscuits today, if I haven’t lost my temper and if I haven’t felt sad, it’s a good day. If I have prayed, made a difference to my life or someone else’s, or done something constructive, even something very simple, it’s a good day. There are very few days that are bad days – although the temptation of the biscuit packet is calling me…

What I’m seeing today is deprivation

Sometimes things just aren’t fair. The coronavirus isn’t fair. For those who have caught it and are struggling, it isn’t fair. For those who are in the most vulnerable group it isn’t fair. And the regional disparity of viral infection and death is vey, very unfair. If you live in the north of England, you are much more likely to get the virus, and then experience a more severe form of the illness, and also more likely to die. That is seriously unfair.


The north east has had more covid 19 related deaths than London, per 100, 000 people, and northern cities make up 9 of the top 10 places for infection. The north east and north west are first and third in the table of confirmed coronavirus cases in England. Low income, unemployment, poor health and lack of educational aspiration have all contributed over the last 50 years to the deprivation which is the cause of this horrific disparity.

Until I was 5 years old I moved around a lot, but from then until I was 48 I lived in the north of England, first in north Lancashire and then in Durham. I love the north, and assumed I would live there all my life. God called me away, but I know I will be returning. The deprivational load in the north means that the virus has caused much much more harm. Might the statistics on this be enough to make politicians sit up and make a difference?

What I’m seeing today is kindness

What happens when we have time on our hands, and the energy to be creative? For one person in my parishes, it has been the heartfelt desire to make a difference to people who have been bereaved.

Grieving is really hard in lockdown – no hugs or hands to touch and hold. No sitting in silent solidarity or sharing a memory of the story of a photo with wider family. No laughter to temper the weight of loss.

Someone has asked they can to make a cushion with the shirt of a loved one who has died, for those who are grieving and would like one. It smells of their loved one. It is better to have this than no hug. And it is a kindness that brings a smile on dark days.

What I’m seeing today is Africa

There is scarcely a country in the world that is no locked down because of Covid 19. In the richest countries in the world we have a measure of space and it is usually possible to create isolation. Where people live in slums and shanties there is no hope of social distancing let alone robust self isolation. Africa has so far been relatively free of coronavirus, but that will change as soon as people can move around again.

The closure of businesses has had terrible repercussions for Tamale Diocese in the north of Ghana where I have many friends among the clergy. Working as they do on minimum wages, life is always a struggle for the priests there. But with the churches closed, no income is coming in, and there is no way for the diocese to pay the clergy a living wage. Thankfully, some money is arriving from friends across the world. I am reminded of how lucky I am living where I do when I look at this picture from my travels in Ghana.

Ordinations in Northern Region, Ghana in January 2019

What I’m seeing today is Miriam

Today’s Morning Prayer bible reading comes from Exodus and tells the story of Moses’ sister, a prophet called Miriam. I can see this print of Miriam dancing by Sieger Koger from my desk. Its vibrant colours imagine the desert journey that follows the parting of the Red/Reed Sea. Miriam is dancing with joy and relief – after months, maybe even years, of asking for their freedom, the People of God have crossed out of Egypt and into a journey towards the promised land.

For all the joy, we know the background. The Egyptian army, horses and riders, have been drowned; the wilderness years will be long and hard; entry into the promised land results in genocide; and to this day, the territory which became Israel is a place of destruction and war. This picture is complex. But today I’m seeing the Miriam who is happy, dancing with her friends in thankful celebration. Today I’m trying to leave the complexities aside and simply find some goodness for which I too will chose to be thankful.

What I’m seeing today is the cross

Easter and an empty cross. We couldn’t add our own flowers in church this year, but our cross in the churchyard at Blockley is wrapped in the red ribbon that hung on the cross in Holy Week. There is something very fitting about using the blood red ribbon to tie together the jars of beautiful spring flowers.

Like the Godly Play story of the life of Christ, you can’t have death without life, Eucharist without the body and blood of Jesus, broken bread and spilled wine without the saving grace which calls us to the table. Life under lockdown feels like death for some, but there will be life again. At Bourton on the Hill, the crown of thorns has been replaced by a crown of flowers. Our lives will be resurrected. Christ is risen. Alleluia.

What I’m seeing today is the joy of small things

Last week someone asked me to place some flowers on the altar of our locked church – they were in memory of someone who died suddenly.

I wonder what has made you smile today? A plant flowering, the new leaves on a tree, a child’s laughter, a silly meme? Today I have been going through some of the photos I have taken over the last two weeks, and noticing small things that have given me pleasure.

The grass cross on my gate from Palm Sunday is joined by this rock – it will  join the other rocks all around the village, hidden for the children to find.

Jesus talks about the power of small things. Faith as small as a mustard sees can move mountains. Anyone who is faithful in very little ways can also be trusted to be faithful in important ones. In these days, we can ‘do’ very little, but small actions speak volumes about love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Thank goodness that against such things there is no law!

The rainbow bunting on my gate has been made by my neighbour who knows I don’t have the time or talent to make some myself.