March 2009

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Dying with Dignity

March 23, 2009 in Musings | No comments

I’m not a fan of reality TV. I see enough confusion and humiliation in my job without watching it on my day off.  However, who could fail to be moved by the life and death of Jade Goody. She was a poorly educated woman who made the most of every opportunity given to her, a modern example of a fairy tale. I worked with someone today who said they were just like Jade – big mouthed, and big hearted. She was, they though, like a modern Princess Diana.  

But until a few months ago, Jade was a figure of scorn and an exemplar of ignorance. She only became universally popular to a certain generation when she received her terminal diagnosis of cancer. Those who had poured scorn on her until recently, embraced her in her last illness. Why? Because we live in a society with a generation of young adults who don’t know anything about death, and for whom Jade has become a mentor on that journey.

A remarkable number of young people have never been to a funeral, never seen a dead body, never spent time with someone who is dying.  Their vision is confused by inexperience.  For them, death is a frightening unknown, stalking the world of the elderly; death happens when you get old, not when you are young; when you are young you are immune – and if something does go wrong it must be someone’s fault!

So thank God for the example that Jade has played out in the media spotlight. She has been an exemplar of how to have a ‘good’ death. She provided financially for her sons, and put her affairs in order. She was ready spiritually and emotionally to say good-bye. She did not keep her children at a distance from her death, nor the cameras.  

So this generation have some idea of what dying and death can bring. They have seen a courageous young woman coming to terms with and accepting the foreshortening of her life with dignity. I hope she has made provision for her children to attend her funeral, so that in time they will approach death without the ignorance of fear. She has done a real service to her generation – God speed, Jade, and rest in peace.

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Choice is a misnomer

March 2, 2009 in And some more blogs, Musings | No comments

Youngest son threw me into confusion on Wednesday by having a ?fit?faint in school.  It was a most effective way to get out of a telling off from his teacher, but led to me spending a happy day in hospital while they checked every aspect of his anatomy for anomalies.  Of course, and happily, there were none.  Different people are freaked by different things.  I don’t mind blood at all, but youngest son completely flipped when the nurse did a pinprick test on his finger.  He speaks of that, and giving urine, as the worst pars of the day.

What struck me was the “choice” given to my six year old.  ’Would you mind if….’ ‘May I…’ even ‘Please can I…’ The three doctors we saw all gave him the option to let a complete stranger look in his ears/down his throat/push on his tummy.  And of course, being the sensible six year old that he is, he said, ‘NO!’ But really there was no choice.  He needed to be checked out, so that next time he needs to be reprimanded, he won’t throw us into a panic again by passing out (only joking!).

Presumably this patient choice thing is so deep rooted in the culture that it is difficult to recognise when appropriate options goes too far.  Youngest didn’t have a choice about the examination – as his parent I might have had choice, but I wanted him checked out.  So no matter how often he said ‘no’ it happened anyway.  Which completely undermines the notion of choice.  Which defeats the point of giving it.

Finally one doctor saw sense, and stopped asking.  The examinations completed, the medics decided this was a one off, and sent us home. I learnt that next time (if there is one), I’ll tell them not to pretend he has a choice. He will submit to the pin prick, because he is six, and his mother says so.

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