What I’m seeing today is biscuits

Every day, people ask me how I am. Sometimes I’m good and sometimes I’m not, but either way it’s a hard question to answer. Underlying every feeling about the day is some anxiety, because I don’t quite feel safe most of the time. And worry, fear, change and anxiety make me feel tired. I am learning to listen to my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul, and to rest and play more.

Being an optimist is tiring too, because I keep expecting things to get better, to go back to normal, to feel safer. As birthdays and seasons pass by, I am learning not to look for easy answers and quick fixes. Life is going to be different for a long time, maybe even for ever, so I am learning to reign back my optimism, and look for a bit more reality.

So how do I answer the question about how I am? I do a quick check – if I haven’t eaten a whole packet of biscuits today, if I haven’t lost my temper and if I haven’t felt sad, it’s a good day. If I have prayed, made a difference to my life or someone else’s, or done something constructive, even something very simple, it’s a good day. There are very few days that are bad days – although the temptation of the biscuit packet is calling me…

Leave a Reply