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“Do not be afraid” said the angel

May 9, 2009 in Musings | No comments

Have you ever wondered why angels keep on appearing in the bible, and scaring people half to death. You would have thought that God could have come up with some way to communicate without causing palpitations to everyone enjoying a divine visitation. It has struck me this week that a lot of my life is lived in fear, and that’s even without angelic intervention. I am a great worrier, and if I don’t have something to worry about, I even worry about that.

I have been wondering why that glorious passage in Ecclesiastes 3 (‘to everything turn, turn, turn. there is a season, turn, turn, turn’ etc) doesn’t include in the list of war, famine, pestilence and death, a clause about worrying.  And then I wondered if that is because the whole passage is about things that make me worry.  If there is a season for everything, then perhaps the things I worry about are not actually in my control, and therefore it is bonkers to expend energy fretting about them…

Good friends of ours have just been appealing a decision by the Education Department not to offer their son a school place at any school in the area (really, honestly, but they did win the appeal).  I’m awaiting moderation (don’t ask) and my youngest doing an audition next Saturday. These are good reasons to worry – yet the act of worrying has not, nor will, change the result one iota.  

If angels suggest that fear is unproductive, perhaps the author of Ecclesiastes was right – it is God’s gift that all should eat and rink and take pleasure in all their toil. Bottle the fear, pass the bottle, and smile please :-)

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Gender stereotyping!

April 2, 2009 in Musings | No comments

I’ve had a strange experience this week – a throw back to my teens. I’ve been doing an MA module in Theological and Practical Reflection at Cranmer Hall, and this week gave my seminar. We spent 3 days listening to each other reflect theologically and practically on a variety of fascinating and weirdly diverse subjects. Neither giving the seminar nor listening to others was in itself the strange thing. No – the week was strange because I was the only woman in a group of men.

That might not be odd for your circumstances, but for me, working in an all woman team and in the company of far more women that men, it was strange to go back to challenging gender stereotypes. Not that the other students were patriarchal, or discriminatory. I did not feel at any time that I was being patronised or excluded (can you imagine anyone trying?), but it was strange that I felt I needed to represent woman-kind!

When I was in my late teens at university I was an assistant deputy chapel warden (yes, really – I meant I covered the early morning communion services for the important chapel wardens), and discussions on chapel committee centred on inclusive language. The church has moved on from that discussion (at least a bit) but how interesting to be right back in the classic “stroppy cow” Dana mode! I was very good and well behaved on the whole, but it was fun to have something so easy to push against.

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Dying with Dignity

March 23, 2009 in Musings | No comments

I’m not a fan of reality TV. I see enough confusion and humiliation in my job without watching it on my day off.  However, who could fail to be moved by the life and death of Jade Goody. She was a poorly educated woman who made the most of every opportunity given to her, a modern example of a fairy tale. I worked with someone today who said they were just like Jade – big mouthed, and big hearted. She was, they though, like a modern Princess Diana.  

But until a few months ago, Jade was a figure of scorn and an exemplar of ignorance. She only became universally popular to a certain generation when she received her terminal diagnosis of cancer. Those who had poured scorn on her until recently, embraced her in her last illness. Why? Because we live in a society with a generation of young adults who don’t know anything about death, and for whom Jade has become a mentor on that journey.

A remarkable number of young people have never been to a funeral, never seen a dead body, never spent time with someone who is dying.  Their vision is confused by inexperience.  For them, death is a frightening unknown, stalking the world of the elderly; death happens when you get old, not when you are young; when you are young you are immune – and if something does go wrong it must be someone’s fault!

So thank God for the example that Jade has played out in the media spotlight. She has been an exemplar of how to have a ‘good’ death. She provided financially for her sons, and put her affairs in order. She was ready spiritually and emotionally to say good-bye. She did not keep her children at a distance from her death, nor the cameras.  

So this generation have some idea of what dying and death can bring. They have seen a courageous young woman coming to terms with and accepting the foreshortening of her life with dignity. I hope she has made provision for her children to attend her funeral, so that in time they will approach death without the ignorance of fear. She has done a real service to her generation – God speed, Jade, and rest in peace.

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Choice is a misnomer

March 2, 2009 in And some more blogs, Musings | No comments

Youngest son threw me into confusion on Wednesday by having a ?fit?faint in school.  It was a most effective way to get out of a telling off from his teacher, but led to me spending a happy day in hospital while they checked every aspect of his anatomy for anomalies.  Of course, and happily, there were none.  Different people are freaked by different things.  I don’t mind blood at all, but youngest son completely flipped when the nurse did a pinprick test on his finger.  He speaks of that, and giving urine, as the worst pars of the day.

What struck me was the “choice” given to my six year old.  ’Would you mind if….’ ‘May I…’ even ‘Please can I…’ The three doctors we saw all gave him the option to let a complete stranger look in his ears/down his throat/push on his tummy.  And of course, being the sensible six year old that he is, he said, ‘NO!’ But really there was no choice.  He needed to be checked out, so that next time he needs to be reprimanded, he won’t throw us into a panic again by passing out (only joking!).

Presumably this patient choice thing is so deep rooted in the culture that it is difficult to recognise when appropriate options goes too far.  Youngest didn’t have a choice about the examination – as his parent I might have had choice, but I wanted him checked out.  So no matter how often he said ‘no’ it happened anyway.  Which completely undermines the notion of choice.  Which defeats the point of giving it.

Finally one doctor saw sense, and stopped asking.  The examinations completed, the medics decided this was a one off, and sent us home. I learnt that next time (if there is one), I’ll tell them not to pretend he has a choice. He will submit to the pin prick, because he is six, and his mother says so.

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Life after life after death

February 21, 2009 in Musings | 1 comment

As so often happens on a long country walk, we began to talk theology. What, my son mused, would heaven be like? A number of options were presented. Perhaps it would mean sitting on a fluffy cloud, playing a harp? My dad thought that sounded unrelentingly dull. Or maybe heaven would come to earth when justice and peace are restored to all. Not likely to happen this side of the parousia, said my punning sister!

Tom Wright’s book on heaven, Surprised by Hope, makes fascinating reading. Those who long for their very own cloud will be disappointed. Working for global justice and world peace will not bring about salvation, but is ‘anticipating in the present’ what we hope for in the future. At the end of time, all our work today will be transformed, with all time, space and matter. And +Tom is sure that our salvation will be bodily – we will rise with Jesus in a physical sense. Wow. It’s hard not be be facetious, and hope that God will redeem my eyesight and big bum.

This then is our impetuous to continue to look, work, pray and act to bring the kingdom on earth. We do it knowing that God has begun to bring in the new heaven and new earth (because Jesus’ resurrection is the first fruit of the new creation), and in anticipation of time when that kingdom will be fully revealed. It’s all very encouraging to a workaholic like me, who really does hope that my labour is not in vain.

Best of all, my favourite passage in the book suggests that, not just our skills and talents but our likes, loves and interests will be enhanced, ennobled, in fact rescued in an ultimate act of salvation, to be used to God’s glory. YES! I will be able to sing, drive fast and read scary books in the new creation – Adrian will be able to fly, garden and wear cruddy shoes (well, maybe not that) – and my dad won’t have to learn to play the harp. Hallelujah! A heaven like that is worth waiting for, and maybe even believing in.

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What is literate?

January 27, 2009 in Musings | No comments

I overheard a wonderful exchange at work today, in the education department:

“What are you doing?’

“Reading a book”

“Why?’

“Because I’m not illiterate, like you!”

“Ugh.  I don’t understand…”

What more can I say?  Except perhaps that the book was Shakespeare, and the woman reading was looking for his swear words.  Never doubt that my work is seriously surreal :-)

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Say that again

January 26, 2009 in Musings | No comments

Isn’t communication an interesting thing.  Today our 6 year old had a friend come to play – this classmate is deaf, and the two children communicated well, with improvised sign language, nods, pushes and shoves, a certain amount of lip reading etc.  I remember communicating in the same way with my German cousin at the same kind of age.  Words become more important as I get older, and I pride myself on crafting them well.  So it’s curious to be thrown back onto improvisation and enunciation.

Funny how words like ice-cream can be communicated to children of any age or ability, whereas ‘sit down and eat your tea’ takes a little longer.  For me, words like ‘would you like a glass of….’ and ‘have some chocolate’ have a similar effect.  Maybe Jesus was right, and listening is mostly about hearing.

I’ve just joined Facebook, which was sold to me as a way of communicating, which it is, but only after a fashion.  Conversations over the last two days have centred around marmalade and the making thereof, the problem of parents and associated teenage frustrations, and the ability of those who have not been together for as long as Adrian and I have to snuggle down together for the evening, without interruption from children.

Hardly high level communication.  However, so far FB has either been communication with people who live at the other end of the country, so I almost never see let alone talk to them (some form of communication is better than none) or with teenagers, who communicate best without needing to look me in the eye.

Communication on a higher level is probably overrated.  Perhaps the minutiae of life is all we really need to make community and communication happen.  A friend recently asked, “who is my FB neighbour?’  Perhaps in cyberspace, it’s whoever has time to listen.

Oh, and do feel free to sign me up as a friend!

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Joyfully Yours…

December 20, 2008 in General Synod, Musings | 1 comment

… or, life’s too short to stuff a turkey!  I’ve put a blank poster on the wall entitled “This is what makes me joyful at Christmas!”  It is my attempt to fight back against the seasonal pressure that I feel is upon me to cook the ‘right’ dinner, buy the ‘right’ presents, create the ‘right’ atmosphere, so that we have a ‘perfect’ Christmas.  I’ve invited everyone who comes to the house to add something, to join our own contributions.

So far, Christmas is made joyful by

  • Christmas lunch at school with Miles (they put the sprouts on to boil last week, I believe)
  • smoked salmon
  • opening presents in front of the fire
  • lie-ins (guess which teenager wrote that!)
  • getting up early on a frosty morning to walk the dog
  • decorating the tree
  • 9 Lessons and Carols
  • and Miles coming home (despite the school report that they give us at 5pm on Christmas day!)

Food is obviously very important, because of the number of contributions in that area, but the hopes are as much to do with the joy of eating simple things as to do with recipes for perfection – mince pies and brandy butter, chocolate, fishcakes (wierd – don’t know who put that on :-) and champagne.

Lots of people like the atmosphere – opening presents around the fire, wishing it would snow and then it snowing, Midnight Mass and candlelight.  Or relationships - seeing friends, opening presents in front of the fire, grandchildren, ‘the love in the air’.  And one thought that made my day (yes, I’m a sucker for such things!) – mum’s smile.

I love Christmas.  And I love that my family don’t mind (very much) about perfect presents, perfect menus and an unrealistic perfect atmosphere.  So I’m off to decorate the tree.

Very joyfully yours… Dx

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No-one understands…

November 12, 2008 in Musings | No comments

There is an unhealthy arrogance to the statement ‘no-one understands what I’m going through’!  Rarely can it truly be said.  And yet, there are occasions when it is true.  And perhaps it is true of a Chorister.  Miles began boarding when he was 7, and at 12 is now in his final year.  His day starts at 7am with music practice, because he can’t fit it in later.  He (and up to 20 other boys, some as young as 6) go to song school in the Cathedral from 8-9am.  Then they start school.

Usually they have the same commitments to extra curricular activities as other kids in the lunch hour, and the same homework.  Except on Friday when they have to go to song school in the lunch hour.  They finish school at 4pm and go straight over to the Cathedral for song school and Evensong, 3 days a week.  Many have extra commitments after school on the two week days they have off, including music theory and confirmation classes.  Tea is at 6.30 followed by prep, music practice for second instruments, and showers.

Are you feeling tired yet?  I haven’t even begun to describe the weekends – song school, at least 4 services, and the deep need for some fun, and some recuperation.  So why does no-one understand?  Because no-one lives in their shoes.  Who follows them from the boarding house to the Cathedral?  Who follows them from the Cathedral straight into school?  Every community they are part of, school, boarding house and Cathedral, cares deeply for their welfare, and does a great job protecting their time from unfair demands.  But no-one actually follows them from one place to another, putting energy and commitment into learning new music, leading worship, doing school work, and growing up.

No-one understands, because I don’t think many grown ups could stand the pace.  It is simply too demanding. No wonder the Choristers stick together and have such loyalty to one another.  They do something amazing, and probably will never do anything like it again.  Teachers, Cathedral clergy and musicians, house-carers in the boarding house, even parents, don’t understand.  But we do stand in awe and admiration for what the Choristers do.

Choristers - Christmas Day 2007

Choristers - Christmas Day 2007

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Rest and be Thankful

October 26, 2008 in Musings | 1 comment

The vocational journey of Dana Delap has been a saga of epic proportions, spanning decades (really, honestly!).  Now the end inches into sight, at least in epic terms, and I’m struck by the number of clergy who are keen to put me off.  I spoke to one of the collared ones this week – I had left an answer phone message for her on Monday.  She was getting back to me on Friday.  This was, she said, the first time she had had a moment to ring in a frantic week.  Did I really want to take on this job?

My first answer to that is ‘no’.  All of us have the occasional work crisis, when there is no choice but to pull a late, if not all, night shift.  But the implication from many clergy is that this is something they live every week.  Is that commendable?  I would say that it is a very poor example to those around them, who have to manage their time better or collapse.  Sadly many clergy do!

My other immediate thought – if Adrian were asked by a would-be fundraiser whether fund-raising is a good job, Adrian would beam, jump up and down, and cry, ‘Yes!’.  He loves what he does and loves others to discover what a fantastic job it can be.  I know because I’ve seen him in full ‘jumping up and down’ enthusiasm.  Ask a priest, and they will ask if you really, really want to be ordained, because you’d be mad to want to… Obviously, not all clergy, but enough to make me very sad.

Call me naive and unrealistic, but I have always found serving God and God’s people to be the best job in the world.  And taking enough time off to remember that is obviously something only lay chaplains are allowed to do!

By the way, we spent the second night of our honeymoon near the ‘Rest and be Thankful’ pass in a cold, isolated and miserable inn.  We moved the next night to something much more luxurious.  Remember to choose carefully where you rest and are thankful!

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