Choice is a misnomer

March 2, 2009 in And some more blogs, Musings | No comments

Youngest son threw me into confusion on Wednesday by having a ?fit?faint in school.  It was a most effective way to get out of a telling off from his teacher, but led to me spending a happy day in hospital while they checked every aspect of his anatomy for anomalies.  Of course, and happily, there were none.  Different people are freaked by different things.  I don’t mind blood at all, but youngest son completely flipped when the nurse did a pinprick test on his finger.  He speaks of that, and giving urine, as the worst pars of the day.

What struck me was the “choice” given to my six year old.  ’Would you mind if….’ ‘May I…’ even ‘Please can I…’ The three doctors we saw all gave him the option to let a complete stranger look in his ears/down his throat/push on his tummy.  And of course, being the sensible six year old that he is, he said, ‘NO!’ But really there was no choice.  He needed to be checked out, so that next time he needs to be reprimanded, he won’t throw us into a panic again by passing out (only joking!).

Presumably this patient choice thing is so deep rooted in the culture that it is difficult to recognise when appropriate options goes too far.  Youngest didn’t have a choice about the examination – as his parent I might have had choice, but I wanted him checked out.  So no matter how often he said ‘no’ it happened anyway.  Which completely undermines the notion of choice.  Which defeats the point of giving it.

Finally one doctor saw sense, and stopped asking.  The examinations completed, the medics decided this was a one off, and sent us home. I learnt that next time (if there is one), I’ll tell them not to pretend he has a choice. He will submit to the pin prick, because he is six, and his mother says so.

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Life after life after death

February 21, 2009 in Musings | 1 comment

As so often happens on a long country walk, we began to talk theology. What, my son mused, would heaven be like? A number of options were presented. Perhaps it would mean sitting on a fluffy cloud, playing a harp? My dad thought that sounded unrelentingly dull. Or maybe heaven would come to earth when justice and peace are restored to all. Not likely to happen this side of the parousia, said my punning sister!

Tom Wright’s book on heaven, Surprised by Hope, makes fascinating reading. Those who long for their very own cloud will be disappointed. Working for global justice and world peace will not bring about salvation, but is ‘anticipating in the present’ what we hope for in the future. At the end of time, all our work today will be transformed, with all time, space and matter. And +Tom is sure that our salvation will be bodily – we will rise with Jesus in a physical sense. Wow. It’s hard not be be facetious, and hope that God will redeem my eyesight and big bum.

This then is our impetuous to continue to look, work, pray and act to bring the kingdom on earth. We do it knowing that God has begun to bring in the new heaven and new earth (because Jesus’ resurrection is the first fruit of the new creation), and in anticipation of time when that kingdom will be fully revealed. It’s all very encouraging to a workaholic like me, who really does hope that my labour is not in vain.

Best of all, my favourite passage in the book suggests that, not just our skills and talents but our likes, loves and interests will be enhanced, ennobled, in fact rescued in an ultimate act of salvation, to be used to God’s glory. YES! I will be able to sing, drive fast and read scary books in the new creation – Adrian will be able to fly, garden and wear cruddy shoes (well, maybe not that) – and my dad won’t have to learn to play the harp. Hallelujah! A heaven like that is worth waiting for, and maybe even believing in.

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Women in the Episcopacy

February 12, 2009 in General Synod | 3 comments

The Church of England took another small step towards consecrating women as bishops today.  It’s been 30 years since the Synod agreed that there was no theological bar to women’s ordination.  Now we have got onto the process of making it happen.  We cannot accuse the C of E of acting in haste. As the Catholics and Orthodox have already told us, if they were going to ordain women they would have STARTED with bishops.  Still, at this rate, we might have women bishops by 2015.  And that’s going quickly, for Synod and Parliamentary legislation!

I thought the debate today was careful, considered and considerate.  But then, I didn’t have much problem with the July debate, and the bishops lost the plot over that (see previous post).  There were a few wonderful quotes from the debate:

  • we should welcome women to the episcopate for the sake of the kingdom
  • I can’t compel people to be in communion with me – if they choose not to be, then God bless them, and God bless me too
  • a code of conduct (as opposed to protective legislation) will not allow ministry to flourish - one is left asking, who’s ministry?
  • and, those opposed in conscience cannot stay in the C of E

The latter is really the crux of the matter.  If those who oppose women in ministry cannot ever accept the authority of a woman bishop, what does that do for the authority of the episcopacy.  Most of those ordained clergy on Synod who are opposed, were ordained after the Synod agreed on its theology in the 70s.  Even more so, those ordained since 1992 knew the theological statements of the church they were being ordained into.

Another generation of women are going to be too old to become the superb bishops we know they can be. The sword of time hangs over their heads, just as the sword of Damocles hangs over those who are opposed.  No wonder someone else commented today that there was little joy in this debate.  We have had it too many times, and with the taint of too much guilt and pain, for there to be real joy.  But there will be, one day…

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Chill in the north

February 9, 2009 in Rant | No comments

I’ve never seen snow from the train that spans the country – from Durham to London, houses, fields and roads are covered by inches of snow.  It seems ironic that this is the one news item uniting the country at the moment.  I’m on the way to General Synod, and bracing myself for the southern factor.  I am sure that in London papers and news broadcasts, the impression will be given that the brunt of recession is being felt in the south.

The southern factor, the bias that is shown by the media to the ‘poor’ bankers in London, and the myth that the recession is felt mostly in London, is false.  Statistics show that actually there have been more job losses, more short working weeks, more factories and businesses closing in the north east than anywhere else in the country.

And as ever, it is those who are least likely to have a buffer against recession that suffer most.   Imagine a family where both parents work, where one is told a few weeks before Christmas that they are going to have to accept a short working week, and a subsequent drop in salary.  To pay for the presents already bought on credit, the other partner takes on more work, only to be told by her company that they too are in financial meltdown.   Happy Christmas indeed.

So next time you read about the problems in the south, remember that the north had them first, and does them more comprehensively.  Not something to boast about, but something the media should remember.

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What is literate?

January 27, 2009 in Musings | No comments

I overheard a wonderful exchange at work today, in the education department:

“What are you doing?’

“Reading a book”

“Why?’

“Because I’m not illiterate, like you!”

“Ugh.  I don’t understand…”

What more can I say?  Except perhaps that the book was Shakespeare, and the woman reading was looking for his swear words.  Never doubt that my work is seriously surreal :-)

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Say that again

January 26, 2009 in Musings | No comments

Isn’t communication an interesting thing.  Today our 6 year old had a friend come to play – this classmate is deaf, and the two children communicated well, with improvised sign language, nods, pushes and shoves, a certain amount of lip reading etc.  I remember communicating in the same way with my German cousin at the same kind of age.  Words become more important as I get older, and I pride myself on crafting them well.  So it’s curious to be thrown back onto improvisation and enunciation.

Funny how words like ice-cream can be communicated to children of any age or ability, whereas ’sit down and eat your tea’ takes a little longer.  For me, words like ‘would you like a glass of….’ and ‘have some chocolate’ have a similar effect.  Maybe Jesus was right, and listening is mostly about hearing.

I’ve just joined Facebook, which was sold to me as a way of communicating, which it is, but only after a fashion.  Conversations over the last two days have centred around marmalade and the making thereof, the problem of parents and associated teenage frustrations, and the ability of those who have not been together for as long as Adrian and I have to snuggle down together for the evening, without interruption from children.

Hardly high level communication.  However, so far FB has either been communication with people who live at the other end of the country, so I almost never see let alone talk to them (some form of communication is better than none) or with teenagers, who communicate best without needing to look me in the eye.

Communication on a higher level is probably overrated.  Perhaps the minutiae of life is all we really need to make community and communication happen.  A friend recently asked, “who is my FB neighbour?’  Perhaps in cyberspace, it’s whoever has time to listen.

Oh, and do feel free to sign me up as a friend!

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Joyfully Yours…

December 20, 2008 in General Synod, Musings | 1 comment

… or, life’s too short to stuff a turkey!  I’ve put a blank poster on the wall entitled “This is what makes me joyful at Christmas!”  It is my attempt to fight back against the seasonal pressure that I feel is upon me to cook the ‘right’ dinner, buy the ‘right’ presents, create the ‘right’ atmosphere, so that we have a ‘perfect’ Christmas.  I’ve invited everyone who comes to the house to add something, to join our own contributions.

So far, Christmas is made joyful by

  • Christmas lunch at school with Miles (they put the sprouts on to boil last week, I believe)
  • smoked salmon
  • opening presents in front of the fire
  • lie-ins (guess which teenager wrote that!)
  • getting up early on a frosty morning to walk the dog
  • decorating the tree
  • 9 Lessons and Carols
  • and Miles coming home (despite the school report that they give us at 5pm on Christmas day!)

Food is obviously very important, because of the number of contributions in that area, but the hopes are as much to do with the joy of eating simple things as to do with recipes for perfection – mince pies and brandy butter, chocolate, fishcakes (wierd – don’t know who put that on :-) and champagne.

Lots of people like the atmosphere – opening presents around the fire, wishing it would snow and then it snowing, Midnight Mass and candlelight.  Or relationships - seeing friends, opening presents in front of the fire, grandchildren, ‘the love in the air’.  And one thought that made my day (yes, I’m a sucker for such things!) – mum’s smile.

I love Christmas.  And I love that my family don’t mind (very much) about perfect presents, perfect menus and an unrealistic perfect atmosphere.  So I’m off to decorate the tree.

Very joyfully yours… Dx

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Advent

December 3, 2008 in Liturgy, Rant | 1 comment

I’m not sure how one should greet another in Advent.  I can’t say ‘Happy Advent’ when I am simultaneously hoping for the immediate return of Jesus.  I mean, that event will not necessarily be happy, certainly not for goats.  ’Blessing at Advent’ sounds naff and pretentious - I know I often do, but I do try not to…  So, some sort of greeting, of a pleasant and benign sort, be with you and yours for the purple season!

Almighty God,
give us grace to cast away the works of darkness
and to put on the armour of light,
now in the time of this mortal life,
in which your Son Jesus Christ came to us in great humility;
that on the last day,
when he shall come again in his glorious majesty
to judge the living and the dead,
we may rise to the life immortal;
through him who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.

I’ve been impressed this week by the liturgical dexterity of the Dean and my prison boss Fran, who both managed to say the Advent collect with grace and aplomb, and as though they understood every word.  Some liturgy is very difficult, and this is a piece of Cranmer’s finest.  Very magnificent, and very theologically and grammatically complex.  Not like the collect for Holy Innocents though, which is just crass and theologically up the creek (without a paddle, or any other form of implement to save it…).  I don’t know about you, but my life is far from innocent.

Heavenly Father,
whose children suffered at the hands of Herod,
though they had done no wrong:
by the suffering of your Son
and by the innocence of our lives
frustrate all evil designs
and establish your reign of justice and peace;
through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord,
who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.

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No-one understands…

November 12, 2008 in Musings | No comments

There is an unhealthy arrogance to the statement ‘no-one understands what I’m going through’!  Rarely can it truly be said.  And yet, there are occasions when it is true.  And perhaps it is true of a Chorister.  Miles began boarding when he was 7, and at 12 is now in his final year.  His day starts at 7am with music practice, because he can’t fit it in later.  He (and up to 20 other boys, some as young as 6) go to song school in the Cathedral from 8-9am.  Then they start school.

Usually they have the same commitments to extra curricular activities as other kids in the lunch hour, and the same homework.  Except on Friday when they have to go to song school in the lunch hour.  They finish school at 4pm and go straight over to the Cathedral for song school and Evensong, 3 days a week.  Many have extra commitments after school on the two week days they have off, including music theory and confirmation classes.  Tea is at 6.30 followed by prep, music practice for second instruments, and showers.

Are you feeling tired yet?  I haven’t even begun to describe the weekends – song school, at least 4 services, and the deep need for some fun, and some recuperation.  So why does no-one understand?  Because no-one lives in their shoes.  Who follows them from the boarding house to the Cathedral?  Who follows them from the Cathedral straight into school?  Every community they are part of, school, boarding house and Cathedral, cares deeply for their welfare, and does a great job protecting their time from unfair demands.  But no-one actually follows them from one place to another, putting energy and commitment into learning new music, leading worship, doing school work, and growing up.

No-one understands, because I don’t think many grown ups could stand the pace.  It is simply too demanding. No wonder the Choristers stick together and have such loyalty to one another.  They do something amazing, and probably will never do anything like it again.  Teachers, Cathedral clergy and musicians, house-carers in the boarding house, even parents, don’t understand.  But we do stand in awe and admiration for what the Choristers do.

Choristers - Christmas Day 2007

Choristers - Christmas Day 2007

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Rest and be Thankful

October 26, 2008 in Musings | 1 comment

The vocational journey of Dana Delap has been a saga of epic proportions, spanning decades (really, honestly!).  Now the end inches into sight, at least in epic terms, and I’m struck by the number of clergy who are keen to put me off.  I spoke to one of the collared ones this week – I had left an answer phone message for her on Monday.  She was getting back to me on Friday.  This was, she said, the first time she had had a moment to ring in a frantic week.  Did I really want to take on this job?

My first answer to that is ‘no’.  All of us have the occasional work crisis, when there is no choice but to pull a late, if not all, night shift.  But the implication from many clergy is that this is something they live every week.  Is that commendable?  I would say that it is a very poor example to those around them, who have to manage their time better or collapse.  Sadly many clergy do!

My other immediate thought – if Adrian were asked by a would-be fundraiser whether fund-raising is a good job, Adrian would beam, jump up and down, and cry, ‘Yes!’.  He loves what he does and loves others to discover what a fantastic job it can be.  I know because I’ve seen him in full ‘jumping up and down’ enthusiasm.  Ask a priest, and they will ask if you really, really want to be ordained, because you’d be mad to want to… Obviously, not all clergy, but enough to make me very sad.

Call me naive and unrealistic, but I have always found serving God and God’s people to be the best job in the world.  And taking enough time off to remember that is obviously something only lay chaplains are allowed to do!

By the way, we spent the second night of our honeymoon near the ‘Rest and be Thankful’ pass in a cold, isolated and miserable inn.  We moved the next night to something much more luxurious.  Remember to choose carefully where you rest and are thankful!

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